I realised that spending an hour or two of an evening writing my adventures was not a productive use of my time, especially not when trying to cook financially responsible lunches and dinners for work. So I took a night off. The hotpot and Polenta was definitely worth it. Now I will use my 30 minutes commute to reflect on recent events.
It’s funny how some losses remind you of others. How they make you realise you never were ok. How they creep up and wait for an idle moment to make you dwell on them. You might know a fact for days or even years but until you sit and think about it, you can’t know how it makes you feel. So you keep busy, anything to keep the thoughts away. Sometimes a little reminder sets you to wallowing, in a delicious mire of melancholy. You give into it for a while then you shake it off and get busy living again. If you can. If you’re lucky.
Life does come back to those in the pit of despair. To those who think it won’t. It just takes time. Sometimes a long time. Even though it will never be the same, because that life is now split into before and after, it does come back.
In order to facilitate the sitting and thinking, loyal readers will be pleased to hear that 50% of my sofa arrangement is now installed in what I like to call the drawing room. Were I not on the eve of another shift I would park myself with a glass of that white wine I have waiting for me and dwell, muse and wallow at length.
On what? Failure. Progress. Potential. For a little while perhaps, enough to make sure I’ve learned something today. And then? Loss, loss and loss.
And then I would get up and live again.
RIP L-G.D. For smiles given and received.
Karma points for sharing dinner: +1
CRPs for just about managing today: +1
Friendship points for being stressed and not smiling as much as I should have today: -2
Total so far…
[you know the deal…]
[Edit: et voila:]
- Karma: +4
- FRP: +22.9
- Relationships: 0
- Family: +1
- Friends: +3
- Career: +6
- Fitness: -4
- General: -6