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I frequently guffaw at the idea of getting lost. I simply don’t believe in it. I always know where I am. I may not know exactly where everything else is in relation to me but that is just a detail and easily fixed. Similarly, I don’t believe it is possible to lose things that never leave the house.

Yesterday, the 2 CDs I thought I’d lost turned up in a most sensible place, in the cupboard underneath the CD player. But the other things, which admittedly have left the house a few times of late, I hold out less hope for. The little case with my most frequently used, and therefore favourite, cosmetic items – gone. The plug adaptor for plugging in electric tooth brushes and razors – gone. It is conceivable that I’ve left them somewhere while staying with a friend or that I’ve absent-mindedly yet quite purposefully placed them in an incredibly sensible place.

But the hole punch? Now that is a mystery unto itself. Definitely hasn’t left the house. Therefore cannot really be lost.

I think losing things must be precipitated by some sort of viral infection. The loss of possessions has never been a singular event in my experience, there is always a spate of losses. I can see how it would work, the virus affects memory storage in the brain so you don’t remember where you put the item. This begs the question of contagion. If it really is a virus, how does the resultant behaviour effect the spread of the pathogen? It must be something to do with the wandering around, pawing through every latent possession in the home. This would leave a viral film across an increased number of surfaces, increasing the likelihood of exposure to another host. And if you think about it, this makes sense – how many times has a friend or family member lost something and then, after a yet to be determined incubation period, you discover you’ve lost something too. Or, you see something like a hat or a glove that has been dropped on the floor and you pick it up thinking “I’ll just pop that up on the wall over here so that when the person tirelessly scrutinising the ground in search of their missing item walks past, they might just see it.” And once you’ve touched it, how long is it before you scratch your nose, or rub your eye, or stuff some French fries in your cake hole, licking all that yummy salt, and accompanying viruses, off your mitts.

Other things which aren’t generally thought to be contagious but probably are:

Allergies (more about this in the summer)

Spots (you know how you and your bestie mate will get a pimple in exactly the same place?…uncanny…)

[more to follow, they must be out there]

CRPs for spending all afternoon in the library: +3

CRPs for not finishing my homework: -2

Friendship points for catching up,with a mate who I didn’t even realise I hadn’t seen since before the solstice: +1

Karma points redeemed for going out and not bumping into any undesirables: -2

Fitness points for suspending the resolution until the weather gets warmer: -5

Total so far…

  • Karma: +2
  • FRP: +22.9
  • Relationships: 0
  • Family: +1
  • Friends: +6 [Supplementary PPs: +3]
  • Career: +8
  • Fitness: -11
  • General: -1
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