Yes, loyal readers, it has been a long time. But believe me when I tell you I’ve been thinking about you every day.
And no, loyal readers, it isn’t Friday. But I have every intention of being asleep tomorrow so, not wanting to leave you waiting another moment, here we are.
As hard as I try to appear the sophisticated cosmopolitan partygoer I often let myself down in small ways. For instance, when accosted by Captain Sarcastic, with little to no formal introduction, rather than taking offence I should have remembered that was my party trick and she was too coked up to be any good at it. It would have helped immensely with explaining my abrupt departure if I could have at all remembered what she’d said to me but quite frankly that was neither here nor there. She’s probably adorable really. Live and learn.
Trudging through the snow on the way home with my Wise Friend, we came to the conclusion that polar exploration can’t have been so very hard as none of those on the expeditions were wearing high heels. Our achievement of navigating a relatively safe route home far outweighed, in our opinion, anything accomplished by Roald Amundsen or Robert Falcon (coolest middle name ever) Scott and their teams. Here is a vision in daylight of the route we should have taken but, for whatever reason, didn’t:
Omnibussing along the Old Kent Road late one evening this week, I experienced the usual assault on the olfactory senses, a combination of fried foods, personal odours and the occasional dash of vomitus or wet dog. Necessity being the mother of invention, I came upon an idea for a device which would enable the commuter to block out such unwanted sensory stimulus. Much as the hustle and bustle of the daily commute can be avoided through the delivery of music to the ears, the bombardment of cacosmias can be attenuated by the introduction of beautiful aromas directly into the nostrils.
Happily, this invention calls for the birth of not one but two new words. One for the main body of the device which generates the euosmias and one for the removable and interchangeable (for hygiene purposes) method of transporting the pleasant sensation to the nostrils. Once the device hits the mainstream and is produced by a number of manufacturers it will become a branding issue and its name will be eclipsed so I haven’t put much effort into it. I could take as my inspiration the classic Walkman whose name has nothing whatsoever to do with music and presumably named to imply that you could walk and listen to music at the same time. My device allows you to commute in primal comfort, undisturbed by the subtle influences on your emotions produced by the malodourousness of human existence. Hence:
iNeb® > n. An electronic device invented in 2012 which generates and delivers pleasant odours into the nostrils. [deriv: the prefix “i” often used in the late 20th and early 21st centuries to denote interactive or intelligent devices and “neb” being archaic slang for “nose.”
The method of delivery would be similar in nature to the well known head- or ear-phones, but inserted into the nostrils instead. They would of course be ergonomically designed to ensure comfort and ease of use and I envision they would be available in a multitude of decorative designs to maximise or minimise their prominence according to personal preference. As “phone” is derived from the Greek for “sound” so I am using the Greek word for smell as a base for the appellation:
Narosmone[nɛːrˈɒsməʊn] > noun (usu. narosmones) An electrical device worn in the nose to receive smells generated by an iNeb®.
Twice the coining, twice the happiness…
Have a look at the good works my Sparkly Sweetpea is getting involved in, give generously and feel the Karma points: www.justgiving.com/gusey
FRPs for the week I worked two bankshifts: +33.8
Friends points for finally coming through with the photos: +2
GRPs for using the leftovers today and for doing more cleaning: +3
Total so far…
[No time, train to catch…!]
- Karma: +1
- FRP: +94.9
- Relationships: 0
- Family: +2
- Friends: +7 [Supplementary PPs: +2]
- Career: +5
- Fitness: -11
- General: +4