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We are heading into a storm of simultaneous release of pollen and histamine.  In years gone by, this was no problem for me.  I was of a robustly healthy constitution, bestowed only on those who grow up in relative filth.  For someone so averse to the contents of the gap between the cooker and the washing machine I was certainly exposed to a lot of it. But it seems it did me good.

Not for me the asthma inhalers and volumatics, the inches thick balms every bedtime to ward off the evil eczema fairies, or the 2 meter safe zone instituted by school staff, patrolling with epi-pens, every meal time in case an iota of peanut should brush my lips. No, none of that. In some ways at least, a normal life.

Then somehow, merely through spending a small part of my life with a snot-spraying dust/pollen-allergic individual, I too began to react in strange ways on days when the pollen count was high.  The skin on my face and arms itched to distraction, a sorry state relieved only by chlorphenamine – known to many as piriton. Initially, I didn’t believe it had any drowsy side effects as warned on the label particularly because it didn’t help me sleep at all when I took it at night. That time was, however a relatively sleepless time in my life, not even herbal Nytol could help me on some nights. Now I’ve begun to notice that I seem to yawn a lot less when I don’t take it. Especially annoying since shift work leaves me in a semi-permanent mental haze anyway. So it seems I must be hazy and itchy or unconscious and comfortable. I’m pretty sure I know which one I prefer.

“All very well, but ‘loser’?” I hear loyal readers ask. Yes, losers all. People with allergies seem to think the world must warp to accommodate them. This is, I will grant you, acceptable where the allergy is life threatening. Even then, have you not heard of an epi-pen? I apply the term equally to myself. I have been known to disrupt an evening of other people’s fun, needing to be escorted to the nearest Accident & Emergency department by ambulance (all the while whimpering “don’t take me to Lewisham…”) only to be ignored for two hours and depart in a taxi when I felt better.  I still don’t know what caused this hiccup; I have experimented with everything consumed that evening but no similar reaction. Healed! Hurrah!

But when your allergy is a mere inconvenience, disrupting either my plans or my peace of mind for instance, I don’t see why I should be so generous.  When told I needed to vacuum the carpets daily because of someone else’s dust allergy, I replied with previously unknown assertiveness “I? Need? No sir, you need to vacuum daily.”

When exposed to the constant summertime snuffling of others, I go everywhere armed with a packet of paper handkerchiefs, ready to dole them out to sufferers as necessary, with a stern reminder to blow their noses. Not that I ever have, but the temptation compounds annually.

And then some people are just allergic to ev-er-y-thing. These people are no fun. They lead a miserable existence and insist that the rest of us must join them. You can’t go out to dinner or fly on a plane with them because of the evil peanut gases that pervade all known  substances, they can’t come to your house because you have a pet, you can’t go to their house because you can’t find a space to sit amidst all the anti-histamines, steroids, dietary alternatives and hypoallergenic furnishings.  Plus they never cook anything good because they can’t eat any of the yummy stuff.

See? Losers.

KarmaPs for deciding not to rise to offensive needling and choosing to just say nothing: +1

CRPs for coming back from holiday and getting ill again: -1

Total so far…

  • Karma: +17
  • FRP: +156.1
  • Relationships: +4
  • Family: +8
  • Friends: +10 [Supplementary PPs: +2]
  • Career: +16
  • Fitness: +4
  • General: +2
Lyric of the Week: I’ve got the moves like Dryden.