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Apologising for the delay on account of a delightful sojourn in the fair city of Venice is unlikely to cut the mustard with you, loyal readers. So, take the outstretched olive branch and join me in a game of “If I Never.” It is quite simple and you will pick up the rules as we go along. It is largely inspired by the enormously talented singer/song writer Kelly Jones and his profound question: “How do you know your last swing weren’t the last for good?”

If I never…have another picnic and this was my last for good I shan’t mind a bit. There’s a lot to be said for good company and makeshift solutions to the eternal dilemma of pitching up in a foreign city having no wine glasses or cork screws.


If I never…go to another gig and this was my last for good then I will remember the first time. JC you are a marvel and even though I was only one in a thousand, you made me feel special. By the way, well done for putting on a laser show that put the Shard to shame.

If I never…have another dinner like the one at La Piscina and this was my last for good I’ll die happy and sated. I need never eat again. The food was delightful, including a full vegetarian and vegan menu. Flavour, atmosphere, location, company, wine, service all came together to make for the most pleasant evening. Despite the suspicious looks directed at the only diners ordering wine by the bottle rather than the glass.

If I never…see another fireworks display and this was my last for good, I’ll still not resent the €2 per night tourist tax I paid for the privilege of being in the fair city of Venice to witness it. In honour of the Festa del Redentore, there will be no complaints coming from me about the amount of public funds spent on pyrotechnics. I might however, have something to say about the incredibly annoying and inconvenient, not to mention poorly advertised, public transport fail. That was the most expensive mile of water travel I have ever known, shame on you Vaporetti!

If I never…get scared away from my pizza by a pigeon and that was the last for good then I’ll breathe a huge sigh of relief. I know it wasn’t though.

If I never…speak another word of Italian and that was my last for good, I think I can still be modestly pleased with my efforts. If I never get round to saving up the money and going on a residential language course for a few months, it’ll be a sorry waste of a life. Three months of learning a language while sitting around sipping valpolicella and tucking in to pizza and gelato, now that is the way I want to live. Not just for three months but for always.

Sadly, I don’t have a photo of the moon over the fair city of Venice this weekend but if I never…see another moon again, I’ll always remember how beautiful a spectacle it was that last time, for good. If you go on Google Images and find a picture like this:

…and then paste it into a picture like this:

San Simeon Piccolo at night by majdal

…then you’ll have some idea of the vision I was blessed with. No doubt the weekly defender of my honour and IT genius could produce an adequate photoshop version for you in a matter of minutes but me being such a technophobe, I haven’t even tried. Thanks to the photographers who made public their images for all to enjoy.

Arrivederci Venezia, noi ti amiamo.

RelaPs for a successful 6-month appraisal and for walking in a dream all weekend: +2

GRPs for forgetting about that strange gravitational pull exerted by open toilets everywhere. RIP expensive make up brush. I rescued you from your watery grave but I can’t say I’ll be using you again: -1

FitnePs for walking several miles this weekend are probably counterbalanced by all that gellato. If I never…have another gellato and that was my last for good…kill me now.

Total so far…

  • Karma: +19
  • FRP: +123.1
  • Relationships: +6
  • Family: +10
  • Friends: +14 [Supplementary PPs: +2]
  • Career: +10
  • Fitness: +1
  • General: +2
  • Hospitality: +2
Lyric of the Week: I wanna take you home, I wanna give you children.